Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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