friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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