im about as happy as oj after his trial
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
