I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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