OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
