found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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