I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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