no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
