what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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