Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
