I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
