I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
