i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You need a sexual gate keeper
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
