Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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