p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
