You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
