im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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