just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
