Where is the hickey?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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