So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
