i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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