Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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