so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
