He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
