Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
