Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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