im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
