well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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