it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
