i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
