good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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