last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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