whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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