remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize