I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
