Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
