You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
