you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
