Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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