I'm gonna have a badass scar
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
