my mouth tastes like poor choices
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
