who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
