I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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