I heard we made out
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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