Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
