dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
