I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
