Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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