When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
