so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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