Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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