If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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