I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My balls are so social today.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
