wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
