this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize