A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Screwed.edu
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
