Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
