Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
