I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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