I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
