This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
