Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
