im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
