I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
only you would photoshop your dick
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
