Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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