I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
