Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
